The Devil's Army
by FastForward
Summary: Ever wondered about Genma? Ever wondered about his senbon? Ever wondered about his perversion? Wonder no more...


**A/N: As always, my muse and I discuss something or other and crazy ideas start forming that are so utterly ridiculous I can't help but write them down. So, before you... is a one-shot. This is for my muse.**

**This is just pure Genma madness. We Heart Genma.**

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**The Devil's Army.  
**_A Genma Story._

Everyone knows there's something perverted about Genma Shiranui.

I mean, he has that _senbon_ in his mouth _twenty-four_ hours a day!

He fights with it, he talks with it, he eats with it, hell he even _sleeps_ with it.

There's just something appealing about having something long and hard in his mouth, so he never takes it out. He sees no reason to, he's quite content to keep it where it is.

Now the reason for his perversion is unknown, but some have begun to suspect it might be the work of his conscience. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Genma _does_ have a conscience... except it's not as balanced as most.

You see, everyone has the standard devil on one shoulder, and angel on the other. Now Genma, Genma is different. He's interesting, even. He has fifty little devil Genmas, and only one poor, little Genma angel.

Suffice it to say the angel _never_ wins.

And who can blame the little guy? Sitting there all by himself, no way to fend off the hoard of sex-hungry devils. Admittedly, the little angel would be worried if it weren't part of the same human being, because the little devils would probably just rape him then and there. Thank God for small miracles.

Now Genma himself never noticed this imbalance. Why would he when he's perfectly content with being the perverted person he is? After all, when fifty devils are whispering in his ear that, yes, it _would_ be okay to spy on Naruto and Sasuke or Kakashi and Iruka, how can one little angel stop them? Especially when the devils decide to gag him and throw him into one of Genma's pants pockets.

However, Genma _did_ one day notice.

He was walking along, _not_ minding his own business—as usual—when he noticed Kakashi and Iruka making out in an alley. As he contemplated whether or not to head over there and enjoy the show, he saw for the first time his little angel sitting on his shoulder.

"_Don't do it, Genma. It's not the right thing to do."_

The poor angel never stood a chance. No sooner had the words left its mouth then the fifty devils showed up.

"**Yo, Genma. You know you want to. It's hot as all hell watching them. They get so into each other they forget anyone else might be around."**

The devils always won. Genma hadn't moved yet, but they'd already won, and everyone knew it.

And then there stood the poor little Genma angel, his fists raised and gesticulating wildly as he spun in a circle, the devils closing in on him.

"_Getawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetawaygetaway!"_ The poor little Genma angel exclaimed, trying vainly to keep the devils away from him.

"You're gonna need more help, there, buddy." Genma commented, making no attempt to protect his little angel.

They overpowered him, tying him up and gagging him before sending him flying into Genma's pocket—as usual.

Of course, having this huge army was good for Genma, and he began to put it to good use. Genma was intent on making everyone as perverted as him so that they would have sex _all the time_, and he could randomly show up to either watch, or join in.

His plans were foiled, however, due to the fact that everyone he tried to corrupt could _see_ the little buggers.

Take Sasuke Uchiha, for example:

There he was, standing in line at the convenience store, minding his own business when suddenly, his mind is under siege. Confused, he calls forth his conscience, seeing his little angel and devil on either shoulder. That was when two Genma devils appeared, catching them off-guard, promptly kicking them off his shoulders. Sasuke's angel and devil clung to each other in fear as they plummeted to the ground, screaming in terror.

Fortunately, the raven was able to catch them and replace them to their rightful places. Being who he was, the Sasuke devil and angel cracked their knuckles before beating the crap out of the two Genma devils. Needless to say, they went crawling home to Genma.

What Sasuke failed to notice, though, was a third Genma devil, hiding in his jacket pocket, a glint in his eyes. This would explain the Genma corruption on Sasuke; albeit being mild, it is still there.

Another target was Naruto Uzumaki:

Now the blond wasn't as smart as Sasuke. His angel and devil were easily kicked off his shoulders, landing painfully on the ground, large lumps appearing on their heads as they moaned in pain.

The Genma devils had rejoiced, dancing from shoulder to shoulder. The constant movement caused Naruto to look over at them. Frowning, he grabbed one by the back of the red shirt he wore and lifted him off his shoulder, bringing the struggling devil close to his face.

"What the fuck _is_ this thing?" He demanded confused, his own devil and angel slowly climbing back up his legs to reach his shoulders and reclaim their territory.

The devil still remaining on his shoulder was poking him in the ear with his devil's spoke to distract the blond, the other struggling wildly in Naruto's hand, still being held up by the back of the shirt. Of course, being about a finger tall, waving fists and kicking legs would hardly do anything to someone as big as Naruto.

Naruto was intrigued by the little devil he held, paying no mind to the one on his shoulder. After some poking and prodding and general annoying, the Genma devil trapped between his fingers crossed his arms and legs and pouted, wanting to leave the idiotic blond's care. His wish was granted as Naruto's devil and angel reached the Genma devil still perched on his shoulder. They battled fiercely and managed to kick the Genma devil off, sticking their tongues out at him as he fell to the ground. They then rounded on the one in Naruto's hand, the two of them telling the blond to let it go and get out of there before more arrived.

Since both sides of his conscience were saying the same thing, the blond let the Genma devil go and bolted.

The Genma devil remained airborne for exactly three seconds before he looked down between his crossed legs, saw the floor below him, and fell.

And people said only Looney Tunes could do that.

Another example—one who was so corrupted in the first place the Genma devil had hardly anything to work with—was one Kakashi Hatake:

The Kakashi devil welcomed the Genma devil gloriously as he appeared on his shoulder, introducing him formally to Kakashi himself and talking about how much great fun the two could concoct together. Being a veteran, the Kakashi devil could probably teach the Genma devil a few things to relay to his owner, and in return, the Genma devil would divulge the secret of his owner's flexibility.

As for the Kakashi angel, when the Genma devil had landed beside him, he'd merely glanced up at him lazily before looking back down at his orange novel and flipping the page. Inquiring if he could read over the angel's shoulder, the Genma devil and Kakashi angel both read the orange novel quietly, turning the pages calmly as they commented on the best positions and whether or not they were even possible.

Iruka Umino also fell prey to the Genma devils:

The Iruka devil easily defeated the Genma devil who attempted to take over his turf. With a set of lungs like his, it was simple to chase the other devil off, sending it rushing back to Genma with it's pointed tail tucked between its legs.

The Iruka angel, however, was having problems. First of all, it had blushed scarlet when the Genma devil had arrived and draped an arm across its shoulders, winking saucily. Secondly, it had failed to notice that it was slowly beginning to enjoy the company of the Genma devil, and had ignored the angered shouts of the Iruka devil on the other shoulder. The Iruka devil had practically exploded when the Iruka angel had tentatively brushed lips with the Genma devil.

Iruka himself had sweat buckets looking down at his angel being a dirty little boy. He suspected it was due to the fact that his angel often read the orange novels with Kakashi's angel while their owners were—er, otherwise occupied...

The Iruka devil had come to defend the Iruka angel's honour, knocking the Genma devil off none-too-gently before rounding on his better half and slapping the poor angel.

Iruka had slept with a pillow over his head that night as his angel and devil fought about the incident involving the Genma devil.

Of course, the one worse off than anyone else was Raidou Namiashi:

Nobody said being Genma's lover would be easy. Hell, if Raidou wanted easy, he wouldn't have given in to Genma in the first place. His angel and devil had fought it out, and the devil had won.

Mind you, this was _before_ his devil had realized there were fifty Genma devils to molest him while their owners were busy.

The poor Raidou angel and devil always clutched to each other in fright when Genma approached, fifty pairs of hungry red eyes locked on them. Even the Genma angel managed to lose its fear of the devils and partied within the crowd of them as Raidou approached.

Nevertheless, everyone was incredibly lucky. Had Genma _not_ been gay and fallen in love with _women_, there would be problems. Namely, thousands more little Genma devils to run around and corrupt all of humanity.

God only knows how the long-haired man had succeeded in getting so many devils in the first place.

But alas, one must realize that everyone suffers from the abundance of devils and angels. Most notably, Haruno Sakura, as she had yet to meet her devil and angel since her other personality and her own acted as her devil and angel.

On more than one occasion, people had spied the pink-haired girl wielding a fly-swatter, slamming it wildly all over the place, seemingly targeting nothing.

Of course, she was targeting all of the aforementioned men's angels and devils, intent on making her suffer.

"God dammit! What _are_ these things?.!"

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**A/N: To me, the wings on our conscience devil and angel are just for show. They do not actually help them fly. I see no reason why our devils and angels can fly if we cannot. That is my crazy reasoning. **

**Hope you enjoyed this :)**


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